I’m looking forward to the day that i step out of this miserable loop. I’ll grow up, move on and find new meaning in what now seems empty. I’ll see and learn new things every step of the way, the goal being happiness. Yet, you will never have the ambition to change, no matter how dull your existence may be, never taking any steps forward. You’re gradually sinking deeper and deeper. 

It doesn’t feel natural to have built a tolerance towards physical and emotional pain

Death was just a simple glance across a dim lit room
And those eyes did it
Those three words did it
Those three words killed him
And I surrender to it all
Between you and me, I surrender to you
Forgive me for the sadness
And the bringing of you down
I just needed a lover and I needed a friend
And there you were
Running from forever like all the rest
Three simple words bled me dry
Three simple word bled us dry, bled us dry
I love y…

Sometimes when he’s not here, I dissolve into this one feeling of missing him and it pushes away everything else.
It’s like wanting him to be here becomes so strong it almost makes me forget he’s not